The whole idea behind the occasional quotes I post here was to shape the blog with some inspiring, creative words of the astronauts themselves.

But actually? I shouldn’t have bothered.

Alan Bean, Apollo 12 and Fourth Man on the Moon

You see, last night I finally saw in its entirety the God-awful “documentary” Astronauts Gone Wild by Bart Sibrel. A truly atrocious piece of film making that I’ll be dissecting in detail in future, this “documentary” interviews numerous Apollo astronauts and then challenges their assertion they went to the moon. The “proof” is footage – allegedly sent to Sibrel by mistake by NASA – which… well, I would explain what Sibrel is trying to claim, but I watched it numerous times and I’m still not entirely sure what his point is. Something about transparencies over windows and footage being shot and rehearsed of a camera shot of the view of the earth from orbit… or something. It really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. More of that another day.

Anyway, Astronauts Gone Wild is where Sibrel confronts several Apollo astronauts about their “lies”. Targets include Gene Cernan, Michael Collins and John Young, and Sibrel’s main objective appears to be to get these astronauts to swear on the bible. This is “proof” that they landed on the moon… apparently. Neil Armstrong very nearly steals the show with his dry reply of: “If I know you, that’ll be a fake bible”, and Buzz Aldrin’s punch on Sibrel has gone down in legend.

However, the star of the show is Apollo 12 Lunar Module Pilot and Skylab commander Alan Bean. Nonchalent, chatty and friendly throughout, Bean explains every “point” Sibrel has and then agrees to swear on the bible. He does so, but checks at being asked to swear on “penalty of treason”. Bean correctly points out that Sibrel’s definiton of treason is incorrect, and they argue over the definition for a moment before Bean continues.

Devout vow complete, Bean then – quite pleasantly – pats Sibrel on the shoulder and says:

“Now, take your stuff and get the f**k out.”

It is not aggressive, it is not threatening – and it’s perfect. Delivered in Bean’s amiable, deep-south accent, it is arguably the greatest astronaut quote of all time. No matter how many inspiring, poetic quotes I find in the future research of this blog, none will make me smile with such joy as I did when Bean said that. Captain Bean, we salute you.

Watch it for yourself here: